Autism Cuppa

Gallows Humor and Chuck Norris Jokes

The older The Kiddo gets, the more I laugh……. laugh at our crazy life…..laugh at his autism-y quirks….laugh at all the stuff, if someone else was telling me, I wouldn’t believe but if an Autism parent was, I would.  Let’s face it, folks, some parts of our life are hilarious! Well, maybe not totally hilarious but darn funny….a day later and after the fact……..the next year and after you’ve moved…….or after the carpet is cleaned. Poop stories are especially funny a decade or so later.

A friend of mine told me she had a wonderful nursery for her two sons.  The eldest *Joel,* is NT and she had such a great time picking out great furniture for his baby’s room…..a beautiful set of changing table, rocker and crib, all a beautiful, sturdy white wicker. It was such a lovely cocoon of calm…..the baby’s room was her favorite room in the house. When *Jonah* came along (with autism), she regretted that damn wicker furniture every single day because he was a smear-er….a feces smear-er….and she couldn’t keep it clean. She finally gave up, went to Wal-mart and bought the cheapest and easiest to keep clean crib she could find. She pitched the wicker set….no one would want it anyway! *Sophie* and I couldn’t stop laughing when she told me about the wicker crib….. her story about questioning a Wal-mart employee about the durability of the finish when using Lysol caused me to laugh so hard, I hiccuped!

When my boys were in Junior High and High School, Chuck Norris jokes were popular.  If you’ve never heard of them, here are a few for your enjoyment (and the reason for me telling them will be apparent in a bit):

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Fear of spiders is arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

My Kiddo, like many people with autism, has OCD issues.  And also, like many people with autism, it appears he isn’t paying attention to his surroundings but he is, and don’t you forget it.

I’ve mentioned in a previous Blog we re-did our kitchen a little over ten years ago and decided to resurface our cabinets instead of gutting the whole thing, mainly because we didn’t think he (WE) could handle two or more months of upheaval. The cabinets and floor plan are essentially the same as before. It was a mistake to do that because he………wants things the way they were ten years ago.  I have beautiful solid surface counters but need to have heat resistant pads on the counters near the stove and oven when I cook so it doesn’t crack if I accidentally put something on them….and Kiddo moves them….when I’m in the middle of cooking…… soon as I leave the room……answer the door or the phone…….check my email….change a load of laundry….or in the middle of the night. The Kiddo wants things a certain way in our home.  He is willing to wait for minutes, hours or even DAYS to change things in the kitchen or living or family room back to the way HE thinks they should be. This where the Chuck Norris jokes come in……Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep, he waits…..and that’s Our Kiddo……when he sees something he wants to move back to the way he thinks it should be…..Kiddo doesn’t sleep, he waits!


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Your Autism Cuppa is written by a longtime Autism Mom. A former Autism Society of America local chapter president, she is an educator and artist and has done inclusion consulting work for over 20 years. Married for 36 years to the father of her Three Sons, the eldest having autism, she wants young parents to know they are not alone. Life can be fun!

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